Month: November 2021

What is Insomnia – Part 3

2021-11-22

In which The Droning Voice wades into the murky and subjective topic of pillows.

The Droning Voice spent, of her own free will, several minutes scouring the internet for the BEST pillows, and finally landed on an article in Forbes magazine which makes it clear that an august periodical such as Forbes magazine isn’t about to take sides on the divisive topic of “pillows”. However, and The Droning Voice didn’t contact Forbes magazine to verify this, she is guessing that the manufacturers of the mentioned pillows probably, and gratefully, showed their appreciation to Forbes magazine with a monetary “donation”.

All pillow studies were performed quite scientifically, she is CERTAIN.

If you suspect your pillow could be at least part of the cause of some of your sleepless nights, The Droning Voice recommends you to do your very own scientific study, but, lacking credentials (or thugs), you may need to set aside a not insignificant amount of bucks to do it properly. Those pillows aren’t provided for FREE, especially if they are the BEST. If you are truly inspired, The Droning Voice suggests looking for a large government grant for the purpose of purchasing pillows. Hey, it might work. One never knows until they try. Let The Droning Voice know how that worked out for you.

And, given the number of studies out there showing why particular pillows by particular manufacturers are the BEST for (whatever-your-issue-is), she is confident that you will not be confused by contradictions and simply wind up purchasing whatever feels like it might be comfortable at your local bedding store. Or thrift store, though, The Droning Voice suggests fumigating the pillow if you go with the latter. Unless, of course, you believe that bed-bugs, fleas, and lice are all Part of God’s Creation, and therefore shouldn’t have their lives snuffed out simply because they spread disease and generally make people’s lives miserable. The Droning Voice knows people like this, and has never been able to spend the night at their houses. Amazing how that works out.

So, after her exhaustive internet search, The Droning Voice has concluded that you should get whatever pillow you personally find the most conducive to a good night’s sleep.

Pleasant dreams!

Cushing’s Manual

2021-11-21

The Droning Voice really wasn’t paying too much attention when she read this tome, but THIS is the book that made her realize each selection she reads should have a “slumber” rating, with 5 stars being a real drool-inducing stupor selection.

“Cushing’s Manual” gets 5 stars.

What kept The Droning Voice awake while she was reading this, was her curiosity about what kind of person this Luther Stearns Cushing was.  She can only imagine.  Was he in real life a party animal?  Did he, on occasion, sneak into an assembly hall with his hat on? Did he ever yell, “Point of order!” during sex?  Did he even HAVE sex?

This book is about Parliamentary Procedure, and is, The Droning Voice is certain, VERY important for those elected to office to have full knowledge of, so that they can, with great intent and fore-thought, ignore said procedures.  She will also point out, though, that having full knowledge of Parliamentary Procedure is probably indicative of a personalty disorder (most often found in people who run for public office), so if you meet somebody with this knowledge, you might want to cut them a wide berth.  You certainly don’t want to wind up the focus of a congressional hearing.

The Droning Voice also apologizes in advance if she misread your ancestor’s first name.  The abbreviations of names was not in any way consistent that she could figure out. However, that is exactly the kind of ambiguity that politicians like, so no surprise THERE.

Remember this book was published in 1895, so don’t get all riled up about certain amendments to the Constitution not being read.

Calm down.  Relax.  Breathe deeply.  Fall asleep while learning about Parliamentary Procedure.  God knows The Droning Voice almost did.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of Cushing’s Manual:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

What is Insomnia? – Part 2

2021-11-08

The Droning Voice doesn’t care what you sleep in.  Whatever you want to wear in the privacy of your own home is nobody’s business.  There are, however, a LOT of businesses dedicated to convincing you that whatever you are wearing (or not wearing) is what is keeping you awake.

They might be correct.  Or they might just be trying to make a fast buck.  Either way, it seems that there are two basic options for sleepwear:

  1. Sleep naked
  2. Sleep in some sort of garment(s) designed for…sleep. The Droning Voice will comment that she has seen an increasing number of people actually wearing pajamas in various public places, causing her to wonder if these people are so sleep-deprived that they want to be ready to curl up in, say, the hardware department of Walmart and catch a few Zzzzs if the sleepies hit.  The Droning Voice has, so far, refrained from suggesting they also have a pillow and blanket handy.  So far.

Option 1 is self-explanatory.

Option 2, however, is quite the proverbial can of worms.  Ideally an individual wants:

  • a garment that will keep them warm, but not too warm
  • a garment that is loose enough to not cut off any necessary circulation, but not so loose that it will tangle up in knots and cause the individual to risk death-by-pajamas if they have to get up in the middle of the night to attend to potty urges, refrigerator urges, or urges to stalk ex-lovers online
  • a garment that isn’t scratchy (The Droning Voice includes this for those who need it explained)

The vast selection of sleepwear is…gob-smacking.  The Droning Voice found several selections on Amazon, though notes that many of these delightful styles can be found elsewhere.  One of these styles may suit your needs and aid you in drifting off to slumber land.  The Droning Voice will also advise that she found plenty of garments that, while meant for wearing in the bedroom, are not particularly meant to be sleep inducing.  She will also state that if you type “ridiculous pajamas” in to your search engine of choice, she is not to be blamed for any ill-advised purchases you might make, though, who knows?  Maybe your mother-in-law WILL like that Sponge Bob Square Pants sleeping ensemble.  The Droning Voice also thinks there could be a market for custom pajama bottoms that have a photo of somebody you personally despise printed right on the butt, all the better to wear when you have had a nice helping of beans and cornbread.  The meal might keep you awake, but there may be a certain amount of satisfaction knowing where the output is hitting, even though you, personally don’t have to look at it.

Pleasant dreams!