Automobile Engineering Part One

The wide-awake listener has The Droning Voice’s brother-in-law to thank for this particular selection. Where he obtained it is unknown, though The Droning Voice acknowledges his mechanical prowess when it comes to motors of all kinds. Still…1917? One assumes there has been a certain amount of progress in that area, but one never knows. The Droning Voice certainly doesn’t.

This book had PAGES of authors and contributors, all of whom were experts in Automobile Engineering, The Droning Voice is sure. And she read ALL their names out loud, including that of Sir Hiram Maxim who invented many useful household items, including the hair-curling iron, the mousetrap, and the automatic machine gun.  Not to be confused with Hiram Percy Maxim, the co-founder of the American Radio Relay League.  The original Radio Boy, after growing up with the inventor of the automatic machine gun for his dad, invented the silencer.  His dad would have been so proud.

There were names of automobiles listed which, while perhaps familiar and well-loved by vintage car enthusiasts, were completely unfamiliar to The Droning Voice. For instance, the Franklin, and the Marmon. She is confident these noble vehicles had at least as much integrity as any American cars manufactured in the 1970s, and certainly were classier. Exhibit A would be the AMC Gremlin. Or Ford Pinto. Or whatever car it was that might explode at any given moment.

There were all kinds of terms The Droning Voice had never heard of including “babbitt” (which has TWO wildly differing definitions), “broaching”(which has even more definitions), “bosses” (don’t get The Droning Voice started), and “dog” which, given the context, The Droning Voice assumed had something to do with automotive repairs. She was delighted however, when, after she typed in “dog” looking for the actual definition regarding automotive repair, Google instead took her straight to automatic dog toy ball launchers. Any automotive repair shop worth its salt should have at least one of these, as well as an actual, you know, DOG (arf, arf).

At some point she even read “en bloc”, which shouldn’t have surprised her, given the reputation France has for producing outstanding AND reliable cars.

Also, every GOOD auto shop should have a stethoscope on hand, according to this book, supposedly to listen to the crankcase. The Droning Voice thinks it may also be handy when the repair bill is handed over to the customer.

Oh, and there was something about “road inequalities”. The Droning Voice had NO IDEA this was even a thing back in 1917, and thinks it should be resurrected immediately. Those with hair-trigger indignation have your marching orders.

Pleasant Dreams!

Here is a sample of Automotive Engineering Part One:

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Eclectic Complete Book-keeping

“Double-entry book-keeping, while a science, deserves to rank among the Fine Arts.”

Yeah, tell that to the judge. The Droning Voice won’t name NAMES, but is certain that many politicians AND corporations, of which, due to their artistic book-keeping practices, are either in prison or no longer exist.

This book was so incredibly tedious that The Droning Voice had to space her drones of it with not just one, but TWO other books. When she finally finished the last page, there was great rejoicing involving a bowl of Chocolate Mint ice-cream.

One of the phrases, used repeatedly in this book, which helped The Droning Voice stay awake was “his business” – a term which her grandfather-in-law used to refer to a gentleman’s naughty bits. One of the passages reads, in part “the number and kind of books required depend…on the extent of his business.”  Adolescent snickering ensued. Really, it is always good to know what one’s business is up to.

While The Droning Voice is KEENLY aware this book is all about book-keeping, she also believes growing one’s vocabulary, especially about popular terms for male genitalia. If you would like to know even more terms for this particular piece of anatomy, she enthusiastically recommends the Big Damn Book of Sheer Manliness.

Also, there is poetry in this book, which surprised The Droning Voice. She didn’t realize accountants could be so…romantic.

“By Journal laws what we receive
Is Debtor made to what we give.
Stock for our debts must Debtor be,
And creditor for property.
Profit and Loss accounts are plain;
We debit Loss and credit Gain.”

The Droning Voice knows that people often like to tout their credentials after their names, but was stunned to see what Mr. Mayhew was proud to proclaim, though understands that, in a way, he WAS pimping himself out to book publishers. She is certain he made a fortune.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of The Eclectic Complete Book-keeping:


This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.



Cushing’s Manual

The Droning Voice really wasn’t paying too much attention when she read this tome, but THIS is the book that made her realize each selection she reads should have a “slumber” rating, with 5 stars being a real drool-inducing stupor selection.

“Cushing’s Manual” gets 5 stars.

What kept The Droning Voice awake while she was reading this, was her curiosity about what kind of person this Luther Stearns Cushing was.  She can only imagine.  Was he in real life a party animal?  Did he, on occasion, sneak into an assembly hall with his hat on? Did he ever yell, “Point of order!” during sex?  Did he even HAVE sex?

This book is about Parliamentary Procedure, and is, The Droning Voice is certain, VERY important for those elected to office to have full knowledge of, so that they can, with great intent and fore-thought, ignore said procedures.  She will also point out, though, that having full knowledge of Parliamentary Procedure is probably indicative of a personalty disorder (most often found in people who run for public office), so if you meet somebody with this knowledge, you might want to cut them a wide berth.  You certainly don’t want to wind up the focus of a congressional hearing.

The Droning Voice also apologizes in advance if she misread your ancestor’s first name.  The abbreviations of names was not in any way consistent that she could figure out. However, that is exactly the kind of ambiguity that politicians like, so no surprise THERE.

Remember this book was published in 1895, so don’t get all riled up about certain amendments to the Constitution not being read.

Calm down.  Relax.  Breathe deeply.  Fall asleep while learning about Parliamentary Procedure.  God knows The Droning Voice almost did.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of Cushing’s Manual:


This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.