What is Insomnia – Part 4

In which The Droning Voice wanders into the vast wilderness of…..MATTRESSES.
The Droning Voice is stating up front that she has NO idea who founded the plethora of “sleep studies” out there OR who funded the various studies. And she is CERTAIN those studies were absolutely objective, and not biased towards whichever company helped provide funds for the studies.

The Sleep Foundation offers their recommendations here.

The Buyer’s Guide offers their recommendations here.

The Droning Voice got HER mattress online after perusing various websites and becoming so confused that she basically went to www.wayfair.com to purchase her most recent mattress on a Black Friday sale. It was/is some sort of memory-foam mattress, which she likes, though will note that there are people out there who vehemently dislike them. The Droning Voice ignores their complaints, and does remember, with great satisfaction, the joy of slitting the bag into which her queen-sized mattress was compressed and gleefully watching it pop open. Really, far more entertaining than most movies she has seen recently, and absolutely with more usefulness. So far, she is satisfied, but can’t remember either the brand of her mattress OR how old it is. If somebody wants to pay her a huge sum of money to claim it is THEIR brand of mattress, feel free to contact The Droning Voice. She makes no outlandish claims about her credibility regarding household purchases, so Buyer Beware.

Also, The Droning Voice finds it “interesting” that mattresses are always ON SALE!!!! Does anybody ever pay full price for one? If so, how much is that? Related to that, the price range of mattresses is, well, all over the map. The Droning Voice has a sister who paid a lot for a mattress, but her mattress is somehow linked to her phone.  Apparently it can, somehow, adjust her mattress while she is sleeping to ensure that her sleep is not interrupted by whatever not adjusting the mattress could cause. Or something like that. The Droning Voice wants to know if the mattress can also record, for posterity, any talking-in-your-sleep or gaseous output you make while sleeping, and does it then tell you to quit watching horror movies and eating beans? Also, The Droning Voice wants you to know that, since she got online to look up mattresses for the benefit of her brilliant, if not sleepy, readers, she knows she will now have her social media accounts inundated with mattress ads. Such is her dedication to YOU.

So, like pillows, the important quality to bear in mind when purchasing a mattress is to find one that is comfortable for YOU.

Also, if any mattress companies out there would like to send one to The Droning Voice for product testing, feel free to contact her.

Pleasant dreams!

Healthy Living Book 2

Healthy Living by Charles-Edward Amory Winslow appears to be a textbook used in Oklahoma Public Schools at some point well into the 20th century.  How does The Droning Voice know this?  Because on the back of the book there is this notice:

“OKLAHOMA EDITION” and some other blather about it being the property of the State of Oklahoma and insinuations that the price listed had better by-golly be what is paid for the book.  If the State bought it, it was 50 cents.  If an individual bought it, the book was 55 cents.  Nowadays, of course, that would be completely flipped, with the individual paying 50 cents per book, and the State (aka “taxpayers”) paying $500 per book.  Such is progress.  There is also an “Oklahoma Supplement” after the index which discusses issues peculiar to rural living and schooling.  Lest city-slickers start feeling smug and superior, there are also plenty of smudgy photos showing tenements on the East Coast, with text describing their unsanitary conditions.  Ewwww.  There is also, in the “Oklahoma Supplement”, an early form of product placement by the Portland Cement Company of Chicago, which offered to provide – free of charge – plans for a residential septic system (at least they did in 1920).  The Droning Voice believes all her listeners would be well-advised to have a set of these plans on hand, just in case, and should immediately demand said free plans from said company.

The Droning Voice was unable to ascertain exactly what age group this book was targeting.  The illustrations show children who appear to be 8 to 10 years old engaging in “healthy” activities and games (none of which involved helmets or other protective gear) while wearing knickers and beanies.  There is also a grainy photo of a classroom where the students are all huddled under what appear to be parkas while sitting – as attentively as they can whilst being huddled – at their desks.  Apparently lack of heat was not a reason to not learn about Healthy Living back in the 1920’s.

If listening to detailed descriptions of proper sanitation both residential and municipal, microbes, diseases, and first aid are your cup of tea, this probably will not help you sleep.  If you are an “anti-vax-er” the chapter on immunization may trigger you. (Back in the 1920’s, wiping out diseases like Small-Pox seemed like a good idea.) But if you take your health for granted, if you assume you will always have fresh water and clean air, if you have a robust Health Insurance Plan that will address your every sniffle, this may be just the thing to put you to sleep.

Now open your windows for the fresh air “Healthy Living” prescribes (yes, even in the winter), and take in deep slow breaths as you lay back in the proper attire for sleeping.  Unless you live in Los Angeles, in which case, shut all the doors and windows tightly and curl up in a ball next to your air purifier.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is an example of Healthy Living Book 2:


This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.