Science of Life

“Must humanity forever ignore a subject thus infinitely eventful to all parents and children, communities and the race!  No, thunders out this volume!”  Just to be clear, the volume may thunder, but The Droning Voice does not.  In fact, she stumbled over a number of words in this book, some of which she is convinced the author made up.  Sometimes she even got to the end of a section without having any recollection of what she just droned, which is how enthralling this book is.

Because in the 1870s, phrenology was all the rage.  Or at least The Droning Voice supposes.  There are those that claim phrenology is a pseudo-science, which the Droning Voice is absolutely certain would send the Author of this tome into an seething rage.  Phrenology, according to Dr. Fowler, is a SCIENCE.  Period.  And if you do not use phrenology to help you select your life partner, then you deserve what is coming to you.  For those rubes out there who are unenlightened, phrenology is the SCIENCE of reading bumps on an individual’s head/skull with the idea that somebody trained in the SCIENCE of feeling said bumps can tell you all you need to know about that individual. You might be able to hide your seamy proclivities from your family and spouse, but not from a phrenologist.  It’s true because it is SCIENCE.

This was called “The Naughty Book” by the bookseller The Droning Voice purchased it from.  Really, the marketing ploy could not have been better, and caused the DV to shell out more money than she normally would have.  At over 1000 pages, this book did not disappoint, though was hardly titillating by today’s standards.  The sex ed portion was informative, but probably not as much as streaming porn is today.

Bits of this book may cause some sensitive souls to lift their fists in fury at the racism/sexism/whatever-ism is their particular outrage du jour.  The Droning Voice acknowledges their right to be outraged, and to encourage them to take solace in how far we have come in the 150 years since this was penned.  If taking solace doesn’t help, The Droning Voice suggests a safe room and an emotional support animal.

Dr. Fowler sternly admonishes against fashion, reading novels, breathing bad air, alcohol, and many more fun things which make life enjoyable.  The Droning Voice is sure he was just a bucket of fun at any party.

Dr. Fowler also explains what causes various birthmarks based on empirical evidence from his devotees.  Nearly all are caused by the mother-to-be craving a certain food, or by being startled by….something random.   Beware!!!

Here is a sample from Science of Life:


This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.