An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!

There seem to be a LOT of sleepless people out there, certainly according to the internet.  But never fear!  The Sleep Industry has all sorts of remedies which will help you dream about kittens and wake up with a smile on your face.  Most of those remedies cost a not insignificant amount of lucre, but they are worth it because….kitten dreams.

There are all kinds of supplements (natural!), and pharmaceuticals (not natural!) (according to the supplements industry!), all of which claim to help you sleep!  Maybe!  The implication, from the “natural” supplements industry is that you can ingest something that “might” help you sleep.  The implication, from Big Pharma, is that you ingest something that “might” make you sleep.

The Droning Voice came about after hearing several friends describe how the only thing that really seemed to help them was having human speech as background noise.  Then she discovered something called ASMR, and here is a quote:

Known as autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, this pseudoscientific term describes a physical and mental sensation that many claim to experience. Some with ASMR feel shivers up their spine or brain “goose bumps.” Others become drowsy and dazed” (which apparently happens when some people listen to a droning voice).

“Drowsy and Dazed” is what The Droning Voice is going for.  She also discovered, by reading many dubious websites, that “osmosis” might actually work!  She encourages all parents to immediately subscribe to The Droning Voice as a quick ‘n’ easy way to put their kids to sleep AND learn about science-y stuff from 100 years ago.  Or Book-keeping.  Hey, those kids might wake up better prepared to do your taxes than YOU are.

Most importantly, for THIS post, is that listening to one of the selections faithfully droned by The Droning Voice herself may be all you need to help you, or your kids, nod off.  No ingesting of substances of questionable effectiveness and potential side-effects.  Only potential learning.  FYI, The Droning Voice learned a LOT about ca. 1917 automobile repairs.

Remember, though, it is possible that your kids could wake up confident that ALL volcanoes in N. America are extinct, because you chose to have them listen to “Our Wonder World – vol. 1” ca. 1918.   Today’s volcanologists beg to differ.

You can subscribe to The Droning Voice here. more “An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!”

Why Do I Do This?

Just did WordPress’ Intro to Blogging > Getting Prepared > Understanding your why

I can remember a time when this might have been harder to answer. It’s a funny situation now. I retired by accident then understood that maybe I might have navigated that differently. Now I’d rather eat better than mac and cheese (plus our house costs a lot to heat and cool), and my wife (The Droning Voice herself) is after me to get a job at a big box store which I know would absolutely kill me. Reminds me of Jeff Dunham’s Walter the Walmart Greeter.

Dave Ramsey says old people don’t work at Walmart unless they have to. I don’t want to be that guy.

Meanwhile, she got this idea in her head that people could use help falling to sleep (an ongoing issue for her personally). I’ve built websites for years (but not with WordPress) and saw how we could do this experiment where she reads old books (she loves old books, can you tell?) in a boring and monotonous way (that part was her idea), wondering if people would find it valuable.

All that, and the girl can write!

tl-dr version is: working on my wife’s blog/podcast/thingy keeps me from having to apply to Walmart for a job.

Insomnia – Part 1


What is Insomnia? – Part 1

The Droning Voice thinks that if you have to ask, perhaps you don’t have it. (Or maybe you have an aversion to 4-syllable words.) It means that, for whatever reason, you can’t sleep when you should. There can be many causes of insomnia, from situational to serious. The Droning Voice does not address conditions which cause serious insomnia. She will blog about other situations which may contribute to insomnia, as a service to ALL insomniacs (of which she is one), and as a way to drive traffic to her website.

Some situations which may contribute to insomnia are more readily solved than others.

Causes of Insomnia – room temperature

Today, we address room temperature. Most so-called experts, or their websites, suggest a sleeping room temperature between 60°-68° Fahrenheit, so let’s say 65°F, which, for people who snobbishly insist on using Celsius is approximately 18.33333333333333…c.

Too Hot in bedroom – turn on the AC, or, at least, a quiet fan*. If you don’t have access to electricity, then The Droning Voice suggests wet washcloths applied liberally over your naked body, and an elegant hand fan*, preferably waved by a cabana boy in a leather loin cloth. If the cabana boy is counter-productive to falling asleep, then, sorry, you might have to wave the fan yourself. Of you could move to Alaska, though that could result in it being

Too Cold in bedroom – turn on the heat, add a blanket*, sleep with another living being that generates heat. If a person isn’t available, The Droning Voice recommends a friendly dog from your local animal shelter, though will add that some breeds snore more than others. Also, some produce an impressive amount of flatus. The Droning Voice is reminded of a long night spent with her sister and her sister’s Great Dane in which nobody got much sleep. The Droning Voice is going to just put it out there that if her sister’s Great Dane’s gaseous output could be weaponized, it could be used to disperse crowds with great effect, particularly at any political rally. The Droning Voice also has experience with cats as sleeping partners, but can’t recommend them as a rule. In her experience, it typically resulted in a certain amount of hissing, spitting, clawing, and slapping. And that was just from The Droning Voice.

Once you have your interior climate control needs met, then, of course, select one of the many questionable tomes The Droning Voice has elected to read aloud. Set the volume to just barely audible.

Pleasant dreams!

*The Droning Voice does not endorse any of the products which appear on the links, which are all to Amazon, but provides the links as a starting point for anybody interested in said items, primarily because she is lazy. If you hate Amazon and all-that-it-stands-for, then go look at Walmart’s website. Research is good. The Droning Voice adds that she is eyeballing one of those feathered hand fans, knowing that, if she buys one, she will look EXACTLY like any of the women holding one. If you want to procure a leather loin-cloth, you will have to do the research yourself.


Public Launch

The Droning Voice herself has been working tirelessly for years and years to amass enough content to launch this website. We are pleased to announce that we finally threw the Big Switch and took the site live, for better or worse.

Welcome to The Droning Voice

Why “The Droning Voice”? The Droning Voice is certain all of us had that teacher, that pastor, rabbi, or religious leader, that person who was being paid to impart knowledge…that just put us to sleep. She doesn’t care how smart they were, the droning quality of their voice acted more effectively than many pharmaceuticals in making your eyelids heavy, and, before you knew it, you were jerking yourself awake, wondering how much you missed (if anything).

So, the point of
The Droning Voice is to help you drop off to sleep by imparting knowledge that was published before 1927 so as not to violate any copyright laws. Bearing that in mind, any advice, recipes, scientific knowledge, health-related recordings, etc. should be listened to and understood to be for historical reference only. Much of what will be read on The Droning Voice is certainly not current or politically correct by today’s standards. However, The Droning Voice will do what she can to not post recordings that will offend those of delicate sensibilities.

The Droning Voice will offer different options, based on the insomniac’s personal non-interests. Whichever class you found most boring in high school or college, The Droning Voice will offer you selections from which you can drift off to sleep. You might even learn something. Or not. You will also be able to play the recordings on a continuous loop for the hard-core insomniac. To wit:

Biographical sketches of obscure, but I’m sure very important, persons
Children’s Fiction
Youth Fiction – including volumes from the Stratemeyer Syndicate
Textbooks that include “facts” which are no longer true
Nature – mostly anthropomorphised
Classical Music History and Theory
History (world, national, state)
The Sciences including such “scientific” fields of study such as phrenology AND palmistry
Various “How To”
Reference in the form of random and old encyclopedia type books
and other books which The Droning Voice has yet to classify.  Suggestions are welcome.

Anything read will also include
all preface and introductory notes, including the publisher(s), dedications, etc. All due acknowledgments will be given. Apologies in advance for any mispronunciations of your ancestor’s last name. If you want to skip over that stuff (The Droning Voice recommends you don’t, given how boring they are), you will be able to go right to the main body of your non-interest. Therefore, clicking through is permitted.

Any references to particular brand-name items are not endorsements by The Droning Voice.

The Droning Voice certainly does not guarantee that you will fall asleep while listening to one of her recordings. If a sleeping disorder is suspected, please see your doctor. Or shaman, or psychiatrist. The Droning Voice should only be considered as one of many tools to help an insomniac drift off to sleep. If any of the recordings are of a nature that might cause an individual nightmares due to the individual’s unique circumstances, The Droning Voice gently suggests that said individual use discretion when selecting such recordings. The Droning Voice cannot be held responsible for any individual’s personal traumas related to the understanding of what a German sixth is or is not (in music theory), for example.

If one is a vegetarian or vegan, it is helpfully suggested they skip over recipe entries which may contain ingredients they find objectionable.

As it has been pointed out many times, history is typically written by the victors (or oppressors, depending on how one stands on any given moment in history). What is being read is not necessarily the personal views held by T
he Droning Voice. It could be argued that the selections offered are a clue as to The Droning Voice‘s ideologies, but the true ideology is avoiding any copyright violations. Period. If any individual would like to have a particular essay or selection recorded, which falls within the rules governed by Public Domain law, the individual is welcome to alert The Droning Voice to the selection they would like to have recorded. We are here to help you fall asleep!

Now dim your lights, lay your head down. Get comfortable. Set the volume level at just above audible. And get ready to sleep (or at least learn something).  Click here.