An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!

There seem to be a LOT of sleepless people out there, certainly according to the internet.  But never fear!  The Sleep Industry has all sorts of remedies which will help you dream about kittens and wake up with a smile on your face.  Most of those remedies cost a not insignificant amount of lucre, but they are worth it because….kitten dreams.

There are all kinds of supplements (natural!), and pharmaceuticals (not natural!) (according to the supplements industry!), all of which claim to help you sleep!  Maybe!  The implication, from the “natural” supplements industry is that you can ingest something that “might” help you sleep.  The implication, from Big Pharma, is that you ingest something that “might” make you sleep.

The Droning Voice came about after hearing several friends describe how the only thing that really seemed to help them was having human speech as background noise.  Then she discovered something called ASMR, and here is a quote:

Known as autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, this pseudoscientific term describes a physical and mental sensation that many claim to experience. Some with ASMR feel shivers up their spine or brain “goose bumps.” Others become drowsy and dazed” (which apparently happens when some people listen to a droning voice).

“Drowsy and Dazed” is what The Droning Voice is going for.  She also discovered, by reading many dubious websites, that “osmosis” might actually work!  She encourages all parents to immediately subscribe to The Droning Voice as a quick ‘n’ easy way to put their kids to sleep AND learn about science-y stuff from 100 years ago.  Or Book-keeping.  Hey, those kids might wake up better prepared to do your taxes than YOU are.

Most importantly, for THIS post, is that listening to one of the selections faithfully droned by The Droning Voice herself may be all you need to help you, or your kids, nod off.  No ingesting of substances of questionable effectiveness and potential side-effects.  Only potential learning.  FYI, The Droning Voice learned a LOT about ca. 1917 automobile repairs.

Remember, though, it is possible that your kids could wake up confident that ALL volcanoes in N. America are extinct, because you chose to have them listen to “Our Wonder World – vol. 1” ca. 1918.   Today’s volcanologists beg to differ.

You can subscribe to The Droning Voice here. more “An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!”

What is Insomnia – Part 4

In which The Droning Voice wanders into the vast wilderness of…..MATTRESSES.
The Droning Voice is stating up front that she has NO idea who founded the plethora of “sleep studies” out there OR who funded the various studies. And she is CERTAIN those studies were absolutely objective, and not biased towards whichever company helped provide funds for the studies.

The Sleep Foundation offers their recommendations here.

The Buyer’s Guide offers their recommendations here.

The Droning Voice got HER mattress online after perusing various websites and becoming so confused that she basically went to to purchase her most recent mattress on a Black Friday sale. It was/is some sort of memory-foam mattress, which she likes, though will note that there are people out there who vehemently dislike them. The Droning Voice ignores their complaints, and does remember, with great satisfaction, the joy of slitting the bag into which her queen-sized mattress was compressed and gleefully watching it pop open. Really, far more entertaining than most movies she has seen recently, and absolutely with more usefulness. So far, she is satisfied, but can’t remember either the brand of her mattress OR how old it is. If somebody wants to pay her a huge sum of money to claim it is THEIR brand of mattress, feel free to contact The Droning Voice. She makes no outlandish claims about her credibility regarding household purchases, so Buyer Beware.

Also, The Droning Voice finds it “interesting” that mattresses are always ON SALE!!!! Does anybody ever pay full price for one? If so, how much is that? Related to that, the price range of mattresses is, well, all over the map. The Droning Voice has a sister who paid a lot for a mattress, but her mattress is somehow linked to her phone.  Apparently it can, somehow, adjust her mattress while she is sleeping to ensure that her sleep is not interrupted by whatever not adjusting the mattress could cause. Or something like that. The Droning Voice wants to know if the mattress can also record, for posterity, any talking-in-your-sleep or gaseous output you make while sleeping, and does it then tell you to quit watching horror movies and eating beans? Also, The Droning Voice wants you to know that, since she got online to look up mattresses for the benefit of her brilliant, if not sleepy, readers, she knows she will now have her social media accounts inundated with mattress ads. Such is her dedication to YOU.

So, like pillows, the important quality to bear in mind when purchasing a mattress is to find one that is comfortable for YOU.

Also, if any mattress companies out there would like to send one to The Droning Voice for product testing, feel free to contact her.

Pleasant dreams!

What is Insomnia – Part 3

In which The Droning Voice wades into the murky and subjective topic of pillows.

The Droning Voice spent, of her own free will, several minutes scouring the internet for the BEST pillows, and finally landed on an article in Forbes magazine which makes it clear that an august periodical such as Forbes magazine isn’t about to take sides on the divisive topic of “pillows”. However, and The Droning Voice didn’t contact Forbes magazine to verify this, she is guessing that the manufacturers of the mentioned pillows probably, and gratefully, showed their appreciation to Forbes magazine with a monetary “donation”.

All pillow studies were performed quite scientifically, she is CERTAIN.

If you suspect your pillow could be at least part of the cause of some of your sleepless nights, The Droning Voice recommends you to do your very own scientific study, but, lacking credentials (or thugs), you may need to set aside a not insignificant amount of bucks to do it properly. Those pillows aren’t provided for FREE, especially if they are the BEST. If you are truly inspired, The Droning Voice suggests looking for a large government grant for the purpose of purchasing pillows. Hey, it might work. One never knows until they try. Let The Droning Voice know how that worked out for you.

And, given the number of studies out there showing why particular pillows by particular manufacturers are the BEST for (whatever-your-issue-is), she is confident that you will not be confused by contradictions and simply wind up purchasing whatever feels like it might be comfortable at your local bedding store. Or thrift store, though, The Droning Voice suggests fumigating the pillow if you go with the latter. Unless, of course, you believe that bed-bugs, fleas, and lice are all Part of God’s Creation, and therefore shouldn’t have their lives snuffed out simply because they spread disease and generally make people’s lives miserable. The Droning Voice knows people like this, and has never been able to spend the night at their houses. Amazing how that works out.

So, after her exhaustive internet search, The Droning Voice has concluded that you should get whatever pillow you personally find the most conducive to a good night’s sleep.

Pleasant dreams!

What is Insomnia? – Part 2

The Droning Voice doesn’t care what you sleep in.  Whatever you want to wear in the privacy of your own home is nobody’s business.  There are, however, a LOT of businesses dedicated to convincing you that whatever you are wearing (or not wearing) is what is keeping you awake.

They might be correct.  Or they might just be trying to make a fast buck.  Either way, it seems that there are two basic options for sleepwear:

  1. Sleep naked
  2. Sleep in some sort of garment(s) designed for…sleep. The Droning Voice will comment that she has seen an increasing number of people actually wearing pajamas in various public places, causing her to wonder if these people are so sleep-deprived that they want to be ready to curl up in, say, the hardware department of Walmart and catch a few Zzzzs if the sleepies hit.  The Droning Voice has, so far, refrained from suggesting they also have a pillow and blanket handy.  So far.

Option 1 is self-explanatory.

Option 2, however, is quite the proverbial can of worms.  Ideally an individual wants:

  • a garment that will keep them warm, but not too warm
  • a garment that is loose enough to not cut off any necessary circulation, but not so loose that it will tangle up in knots and cause the individual to risk death-by-pajamas if they have to get up in the middle of the night to attend to potty urges, refrigerator urges, or urges to stalk ex-lovers online
  • a garment that isn’t scratchy (The Droning Voice includes this for those who need it explained)

The vast selection of sleepwear is…gob-smacking.  The Droning Voice found several selections on Amazon, though notes that many of these delightful styles can be found elsewhere.  One of these styles may suit your needs and aid you in drifting off to slumber land.  The Droning Voice will also advise that she found plenty of garments that, while meant for wearing in the bedroom, are not particularly meant to be sleep inducing.  She will also state that if you type “ridiculous pajamas” in to your search engine of choice, she is not to be blamed for any ill-advised purchases you might make, though, who knows?  Maybe your mother-in-law WILL like that Sponge Bob Square Pants sleeping ensemble.  The Droning Voice also thinks there could be a market for custom pajama bottoms that have a photo of somebody you personally despise printed right on the butt, all the better to wear when you have had a nice helping of beans and cornbread.  The meal might keep you awake, but there may be a certain amount of satisfaction knowing where the output is hitting, even though you, personally don’t have to look at it.

Pleasant dreams!

What is Insomnia? – Part 1

The Droning Voice thinks that if you have to ask, perhaps you don’t have it. (Or maybe you have an aversion to 4-syllable words.) It means that, for whatever reason, you can’t sleep when you should. There can be many causes of insomnia, from situational to serious. The Droning Voice does not address conditions which cause serious insomnia. She will blog about other situations which may contribute to insomnia, as a service to ALL insomniacs (of which she is one), and as a way to drive traffic to her website.

Some situations which may contribute to insomnia are more readily solved than others.

Causes of Insomnia – room temperature

Today, we address room temperature. Most so-called experts, or their websites, suggest a sleeping room temperature between 60°-68° Fahrenheit, so let’s say 65°F, which, for people who snobbishly insist on using Celsius is approximately 18.33333333333333…c.

Too Hot in bedroom – turn on the AC, or, at least, a quiet fan*. If you don’t have access to electricity, then The Droning Voice suggests wet washcloths applied liberally over your naked body, and an elegant hand fan*, preferably waved by a cabana boy in a leather loin cloth. If the cabana boy is counter-productive to falling asleep, then, sorry, you might have to wave the fan yourself. Of you could move to Alaska, though that could result in it being

Too Cold in bedroom – turn on the heat, add a blanket*, sleep with another living being that generates heat. If a person isn’t available, The Droning Voice recommends a friendly dog from your local animal shelter, though will add that some breeds snore more than others. Also, some produce an impressive amount of flatus. The Droning Voice is reminded of a long night spent with her sister and her sister’s Great Dane in which nobody got much sleep. The Droning Voice is going to just put it out there that if her sister’s Great Dane’s gaseous output could be weaponized, it could be used to disperse crowds with great effect, particularly at any political rally. The Droning Voice also has experience with cats as sleeping partners, but can’t recommend them as a rule. In her experience, it typically resulted in a certain amount of hissing, spitting, clawing, and slapping. And that was just from The Droning Voice.

Once you have your interior climate control needs met, then, of course, select one of the many questionable tomes The Droning Voice has elected to read aloud. Set the volume to just barely audible.

Pleasant dreams!

*The Droning Voice does not endorse any of the products which appear on the links, which are all to Amazon, but provides the links as a starting point for anybody interested in said items, primarily because she is lazy. If you hate Amazon and all-that-it-stands-for, then go look at Walmart’s website. Research is good. The Droning Voice adds that she is eyeballing one of those feathered hand fans, knowing that, if she buys one, she will look EXACTLY like any of the women holding one. If you want to procure a leather loin-cloth, you will have to do the research yourself.