Author: TDV-Herself

Books Jettisoned Mid-Drone

2022-10-20

Every once in a while, The Droning Voice Just. Can’t. Take. It. and cannot bring herself to drone any further in a particular tome.  Such is the case with “Frank, the Young Naturalist” (ca. 1864).
That will NOT, however, keep her from writing a review of what she read up to the point of where she couldn’t-stand-it-any-longer.

In her mind, the definition of “naturalist” was more along the lines of this definition:

“A naturalist is any person who studies the natural world. Naturalists make observations of the relationships between organisms and their environments, as well as how those relationships change over time. One of the most well-known examples of a naturalist is Charles Darwin.”

But, in the 1860s, the definition was more along the line of a person who enjoys killing various critters as “sport”, and then using their skills with taxidermy to display dead critters in realistic scenes.  Sorta.

The Droning Voice was completely bamboozled by the cover of this book, which caused her to think the story would be more akin to the former definition of “naturalist”, rather than the latter. HOWEVER, any boats mentioned in the book look nothing like what is displayed on the cover, so she wonders what on earth possessed Mr. Castlemon to okay the cover art.  Possibly he had no say, and is an innocent victim in this blatant deception.  He is NOT an innocent victim of the story, though.  The body count of critters is high, and limits on what any hunter/fisherman could harvest were not in place at the time. Clearly.  After reading what she did, The Droning Voice is amazed that any wildlife were able to survive the slaughter to reproduce.

The story revolves around a teenager, Frank.  who is an ardent naturalist/hunter.  The opening chapters go into detail about Frank’s “museum”, which is full of animals Frank has personally dispatched and then used his skills with taxidermy, which seemed to have been formidable, and may have been more realistic in posing them than the current trend of posing a dead raccoon in a canoe.  BTW, The Droning Voice located this image doing a quick search on Google, and was quite surprised at the sheer number of raccoons in canoes being offered for sale. This one is for sale on Etsy if you simply MUST own it.

Sorry, The Droning Voice got squirreled by images like the one above.  Back to the book, we then explore Frank’s bedroom, in which he keeps not only his carefully maintained gun, but also his hunting apparel, which involves “sheep’s gray pantaloons”.  We also learn that Frank was a reader of some person by the name of Bayard Taylor, who was an actual poet and literary critic, and appeared to have quite a following at the time. The Droning Voice will be on the lookout for any volumes of Mr. Bayard Taylor, provided they pass the rigid requirements of The Droning Voice’s, meaning the purchase price is under $5.

Also, she wasn’t certain what Mr. Castlemon meant when he described the boys in the village as “nimrods”.  In her diligent research, she found that “Nimrod” was either the name of a mighty hunter OR an idiot.  Mr. Castlemon was vague in his usage, leaving the actual definition up to the reader.

The Droning Voice will not be offering this book in drone form, since she doesn’t want to raise the ire of vegetarians/PETA/raccoon fans.  If, however, you are interested in purchasing her copy of this book, she might take you up on it.

Besides, she has PLENTY of other selections to help you fall asleep.

Pleasant Dreams!

An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!

2022-10-01

There seem to be a LOT of sleepless people out there, certainly according to the internet.  But never fear!  The Sleep Industry has all sorts of remedies which will help you dream about kittens and wake up with a smile on your face.  Most of those remedies cost a not insignificant amount of lucre, but they are worth it because….kitten dreams.

There are all kinds of supplements (natural!), and pharmaceuticals (not natural!) (according to the supplements industry!), all of which claim to help you sleep!  Maybe!  The implication, from the “natural” supplements industry is that you can ingest something that “might” help you sleep.  The implication, from Big Pharma, is that you ingest something that “might” make you sleep.

The Droning Voice came about after hearing several friends describe how the only thing that really seemed to help them was having human speech as background noise.  Then she discovered something called ASMR, and here is a quote:

“Known as autonomous sensory meridian response, or ASMR, this pseudoscientific term describes a physical and mental sensation that many claim to experience. Some with ASMR feel shivers up their spine or brain “goose bumps.” Others become drowsy and dazed” (which apparently happens when some people listen to a droning voice).

“Drowsy and Dazed” is what The Droning Voice is going for.  She also discovered, by reading many dubious websites, that “osmosis” might actually work!  She encourages all parents to immediately subscribe to The Droning Voice as a quick ‘n’ easy way to put their kids to sleep AND learn about science-y stuff from 100 years ago.  Or Book-keeping.  Hey, those kids might wake up better prepared to do your taxes than YOU are.

Most importantly, for THIS post, is that listening to one of the selections faithfully droned by The Droning Voice herself may be all you need to help you, or your kids, nod off.  No ingesting of substances of questionable effectiveness and potential side-effects.  Only potential learning.  FYI, The Droning Voice learned a LOT about ca. 1917 automobile repairs.

Remember, though, it is possible that your kids could wake up confident that ALL volcanoes in N. America are extinct, because you chose to have them listen to “Our Wonder World – vol. 1” ca. 1918.   Today’s volcanologists beg to differ.

You can subscribe to The Droning Voice here. more “An “All Natural” (!) Sleep Aid!!!” …

About Adult Fiction

2022-09-15

Adult fiction from 100+ years ago is certainly…different from Adult Fiction of today.  Some would say it has “evolved”.  Others, and The Droning Voice is in this camp, say it has “devolved”.  For those raised on current authors, The Droning Voice can assure you that there are far fewer explosions, less profanity – though words like “scoundrel” were used -, more descriptions of being “perturbed”, and WAY more clothing.  Given the lack of on-demand temperature control, The Droning Voice is amazed those people didn’t just pass out from the heat, OR spend all their time huddled in front of their woodstove in a vain attempt to stay warm and not losing key fingers to frostbite.  The only people being dispatched usually had it coming (NO charges filed), and it was typically attended to discreetly, and usually to defend the heroine’s honor.  Actually, EVERYTHING was much more discreet, including how the lead characters in most of these novels procured their income.  The Droning Voice assumes they were ALL trust-fund babies.  God forbid they actually WORK for a living.  In today’s literature, yes, even working in an office can be rife with romantic intrigue and deeds of daring-do, and WAY more skin (often involving office desks).  But in the late 1800s and early 1900s, even the hint of such a thing would cause any lady to swoon, with a gentleman being quick to catch her.  Men were always hoping to catch a swooning heroine, that being the only time they could honorably grope her.  And EVERYBODY kept a small bottle of something called smelling salts on hand for just such an occasion.  Really, The Droning Voice thinks a small bottle of that stuff might be just the thing to wave under another person’s nose when said nose is getting “out of joint”.  Maybe, just maybe, it could snap them out of it, though The Droning Voice is skeptical.  Let her know how it goes!

Also, it seems that most of the heroes from the fiction of that era rode horses.  Given the costs involved with owning an automobile or other vehicle today, riding a horse to work may be exactly what the modern day businessman should be doing.  #historyrepeatsitself
If the listener is used to the works of, well, The Droning Voice won’t mention NAMES, any of these selections should put you right to sleep.  She sincerely hopes you have a good time reading the reviews while deciding which one to bore you into slumber.

As always, pleasant dreams!

Insomnia – Part 1

2022-08-27

 

What is Insomnia? – Part 1

2021-10-25

The Droning Voice thinks that if you have to ask, perhaps you don’t have it. (Or maybe you have an aversion to 4-syllable words.) It means that, for whatever reason, you can’t sleep when you should. There can be many causes of insomnia, from situational to serious. The Droning Voice does not address conditions which cause serious insomnia. She will blog about other situations which may contribute to insomnia, as a service to ALL insomniacs (of which she is one), and as a way to drive traffic to her website.

Some situations which may contribute to insomnia are more readily solved than others.

Causes of Insomnia – room temperature

Today, we address room temperature. Most so-called experts, or their websites, suggest a sleeping room temperature between 60°-68° Fahrenheit, so let’s say 65°F, which, for people who snobbishly insist on using Celsius is approximately 18.33333333333333…c.

Too Hot in bedroom – turn on the AC, or, at least, a quiet fan*. If you don’t have access to electricity, then The Droning Voice suggests wet washcloths applied liberally over your naked body, and an elegant hand fan*, preferably waved by a cabana boy in a leather loin cloth. If the cabana boy is counter-productive to falling asleep, then, sorry, you might have to wave the fan yourself. Of you could move to Alaska, though that could result in it being

Too Cold in bedroom – turn on the heat, add a blanket*, sleep with another living being that generates heat. If a person isn’t available, The Droning Voice recommends a friendly dog from your local animal shelter, though will add that some breeds snore more than others. Also, some produce an impressive amount of flatus. The Droning Voice is reminded of a long night spent with her sister and her sister’s Great Dane in which nobody got much sleep. The Droning Voice is going to just put it out there that if her sister’s Great Dane’s gaseous output could be weaponized, it could be used to disperse crowds with great effect, particularly at any political rally. The Droning Voice also has experience with cats as sleeping partners, but can’t recommend them as a rule. In her experience, it typically resulted in a certain amount of hissing, spitting, clawing, and slapping. And that was just from The Droning Voice.

Once you have your interior climate control needs met, then, of course, select one of the many questionable tomes The Droning Voice has elected to read aloud. Set the volume to just barely audible.

Pleasant dreams!

*The Droning Voice does not endorse any of the products which appear on the links, which are all to Amazon, but provides the links as a starting point for anybody interested in said items, primarily because she is lazy. If you hate Amazon and all-that-it-stands-for, then go look at Walmart’s website. Research is good. The Droning Voice adds that she is eyeballing one of those feathered hand fans, knowing that, if she buys one, she will look EXACTLY like any of the women holding one. If you want to procure a leather loin-cloth, you will have to do the research yourself.