Category: Reading

Applied Electrochemistry

2020-12-25

The Droning Voice is stating, for the record, that she is EXTREMELY grateful for those pioneering scientists who made it possible not only for her to flip a switch and have a cup of coffee in the morning, but also to flip other switches and have lights AND cool (or warm) air in her very charming abode.  Plus her life would be significantly diminished without her battery-powered “Tasmanian Devil” (Looney Tunes) plush toy.

For the record.

She also wants to state, for the record,  that she is fairly confident advances in electrochemistry have been made since this compact and extremely informational book was written, so don’t get all up in her face about LED bulbs or the latest efficiency ratings of your massive fridge.  A) She doesn’t care, and B) she probably has no idea what you are talking about.  The Droning Voice got HER degrees at excellent Liberal Arts universities (in case that wasn’t ludicrously obvious).

This is cutting-edge science from nearly 100 years ago.  Fans of “Re-enactments” are welcome to take a look at some of the grainy photographs in the book and re-enact iron ore smelting (or whatever those grim faced men are doing), using really old equipment that may or may not kill them, if that is what they desire to do.  The Droning Voice won’t stand in judgment of your insane fantasies. The Droning Voice was somewhat disappointed that the chapter on “Electrolysis” had nothing whatsoever to do with a permanent solution to zapping chin hairs into oblivion, though is certain that this important application of electrical science would be heartily approved of by the author.

There is also an EXAM at the end of the book, with a stern admonishment to “use your own words.”  The Droning Voice positively (hah!) assures her listeners that she can answer every single question in this exam, to wit:

“1. How may chemical reactions be classified?” – From what The Droning Voice gathered, those that explode and those that don’t explode.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of Applied Electrochemistry:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Grammar of Palmistry

2020-10-15

If there was ever a book that is bound to irritate a wide range of listeners, this is it.  The Droning Voice was truly uncertain what genre to label this, so she headed to that known repository of wisdom: Amazon.  When that source failed her, she gave a deep sigh (as she is wont to do), and clicked on over to The Library of Congress.  That’s right.  She got the government involved.  Or at least governmental librarians, which is kind of a scary thought.  ANYWAY, the Library of Congress, with great confidence, had placed this particular title under the heading of “Science”, which may explain the government’s approach to investing AND foreign policy.

So don’t write The Droning Voice hateful comments about the genre of this book, if you are a person inclined to think that such endeavors as palm-reading are pure hokum.  Its validity has been backed by the full power of the US Government.  For those of you who believe deeply in the healing power of crystals, essential oils, and the like, this book will keep you wide awake, and The Droning Voice recommends a different selection.  Besides, you will become frustrated trying to figure out which mound is Saturn’s and which is Luna, etc.  At least, The Droning Voice did.

The Droning Voice wants to comment that there are some very informative illustrations in the actual book, and notes that some enterprising person is selling facsimiles of it on Amazon.  You can also find all sorts of helpful images of a person’s palm online, none of which are contradictory.  She refuses to discuss what her OWN palm says, though notes it is probably better not to get cross-wise with her.

And on that note….pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of The Grammar of Palmistry:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

Lalla Rookh

2020-08-29

This book has been described as “An Oriental Romance”, which takes place on a journey from somewhere in India to somewhere else, and has as its main characters Lalla Rookh, a princess going off to marry some king of some place whom she has never met, and a poet in her entourage who entertains her with, guess what, poems, because nothing makes a tedious journey just fly by than POETRY.  The Droning Voice thinks more parents of young children should employ it as entertainment when taking their young children on road trips.  The tears that inevitably will flow will no doubt be tears of joy.

Oh, and for those of a more, uhm, prurient bent, The Droning Voice carefully raises an eyebrow AND slightly lowers her spectacles while assuring said listeners that the phrase “Oriental Romance” has NOTHING to do with the Kama Sutra in this case.

There is a long preface, much of which (for some ridiculous reason) is written in French, and which, in spite of her lack of education in such matters, The Droning Voice went ahead and read.  The same holds true for the “notes” (which went on for PAGES) at the end of the book. Have great fun at her expense, if you consider yourself a Francophile.  The Droning Voice really doesn’t care.  There are also a lot of names of peoples and places of uncertain pronunciation, at least for The Droning Voice, but she resolutely droned on.  If you want perfect French, move to Paris, because nobody appears to be in agreement on the correct pronunciation of this exceedingly pretentious language, at least in the United States.

This book was considered a classic at one time, and may very well still be, though the persons whom she asked, many of whom finished high school, had never heard of it.  The Droning Voice never read it, devoting her reading time to other classics, such as “Jaws”, and whatever other books were popular amongst high school students at the time, including those being roundly condemned by religious groups.  NOTHING moves a book to the top of the Best Seller list than being roundly condemned by religious groups.

The Droning Voice wasn’t really paying too much attention whilst reading this book, but was able to discern that the princess winds up falling in love with the poet, who, guess what, turns out to be the very King she is going to marry. 

And with that spoiler, pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of Lalla Rookh:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Princess

2020-07-15

Although this poem, or whatever you want to call it, was penned by no less a personage as Tennyson, The Droning Voice was WAY more familiar with the plot due to her exposure, at an impressionable age, to “Princess Ida” – an operetta by the team of Gilbert & Sullivan, known in the vernacular as “G&S”.  After she got hip-deep into the drone, she realized from whence Mr. Gilbert borrowed the plot of “Princess Ida”, and pondered, briefly, if she should continue the drone.  She is not so much afraid of the Tennyson fans as she is the G&S fans.  Those people are, well, fervent admirers of G&S, right up there with admirers of Star Trek, Star Wars, birding, model trains, and Ham radio, none of whom she wants to cross.

Still, given that “Princess Ida” is one of the lesser known G&S operettas, she went right on with the drone.  The Droning Voice is a firm believer in source material, so if you are a fan of G&S, she dares you to listen to this particular drone and try to find your favorite aria, duet, chorus number.  Hey, she was actually in a production of “Princess Ida”, and learned at least a small amount about the character she played from droning the poem, though she can’t really remember exactly what that was.  She will state, however, that her admiration of Mr. Gilbert’s ability to wade through dense poetry to find an actual plot to swipe has been enhanced greatly.

The plot, sorta, is that a group of proto-feminists have opened an all girls school, and they hate men.  Three guys, one of whom was actually married to Princess Ida (OK, he was 2 years-old when that happened, but still), manage to pretend to be girls and infiltrate the school.  The plot thickens.  Fans of “Some Like it Hot”, and/or cross-dressing may find this poem a bit too titillating, but The Droning Voice will allow you to decide for yourself whether this is true for you or not with this brief sample:

“On the lecture slate the circle rounded under female hands with flawless demonstration: follow’d then a classic lecture, rich in sentiment, with scraps of thunderous Epic lilted out by violet-hooded Doctors, elegies and quoted odes, and jewels five-words-long that on the stretch’d forefinger of all Time sparkle for ever:….”

The Droning Voice nearly dozed off while typing the above snippet.  Perhaps you will, too.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of The Princess:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

Chatterbox

2020-06-23

The Droning Voice hardly knows where to start.  First of all, this is an anthology compiled, she believes, with pre-teen boys in mind.  Pre-teen boys of 1915, who lived in England.  So never mind the imperialism (and the blatant sexism).  If the listener manages to stay awake, they will learn many fascinating things, including:

  • The life cycle of a gnat
  • All about antique furniture (the author wasn’t a fan of current styles in 1915)
  • Random biographies of obscure men
  • All about British trees (in poetry form)
  • The various forms of slang boys used then, including such terms as “ripping”, “having a lark”, calling another guy a “cock” in admiration, AND proclaiming oneself a “fag” of the “cock”. Somehow The Droning Voice doesn’t believe those particular slang terms will be coming back into fashion any time soon.
  • How to make a model ship and/or a water motor
  • All about those new-fangled aeroplanes
  • AND MORE!! MUCH MORE!!!

There are many, many wonderful illustrations in this book, mostly of children wearing stifling clothing, and dogs in hats.  The latter is only one reason why you should attempt to find a copy of this online, and pay a hefty sum for it.

Hopefully the listener will be lulled to sleep well before they hear The Droning Voice making an attempt at Welsh pronunciations.  Feel free to correct her, if you believe edifying her is important.  Frankly, she doesn’t care, though acknowledges there are PAGES of resources on the ‘net devoted to helping people learn Welsh as a second language.  Or a first language.  Whatever.  Since The Droning Voice is all about education, here is a single link to Welsh pronunciation which may prove marginally helpful when you want to impress linguists at parties: https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Appendix:Welsh_pronunciation

There are also two complete novels imbedded in this book (“The Secret Valley” and “The Mystery of the Manor”).  The Droning Voice reminds her listeners that India is now an independent nation, and that the selling of ivory is illegal today, so don’t get all up in her business about anything perceived today as politically incorrect.

This book is certainly appropriate for children, unless you want them picking up the practice of doorbell-ditching their neighbors.  Oh, and the imperialism.

There are lots of short stories included, random poems, and assorted factoids.  The Droning Voice assuredly does NOT recommend any of the science experiments be attempted by anyone lacking a PhD and a hardhat.  And fireproof clothing.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of Chatterbox:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

Long’s New Language Exercises

2020-05-17

The Droning Voice wants to point out that, back in 1889, cursive handwriting was taught to First Graders.  Also that something called a “slate” was used in writing, which The Droning Voice assumes is a kind of personal chalkboard.  She personally thinks going back to slates would be an excellent idea, cutting back on expensive technology AND “selfies”.

She also gleaned from the text that every boy appeared to carry a “penknife” to school, and, not only was he not hauled off in handcuffs, but being in possession of one was considered a completely normal accessory, if not a compulsory one.

There are examples of Letter Writing, which clearly indicate that not only were State abbreviations NOT standardized (some only had one letter, while others had four), but there weren’t even Zip Codes.  Oh, and somehow a child could expect that a letter sent one day would be received the next.  At least, that is the impression given by “Long’s New Language Exercises.”  I’m sure these children grew up to be bitter,  and forever scarred, that nobody showed up to their tea party – since their invitation came a week after said event.

The Droning Voice admits to having to re-record one section several times due to her inner 12 year-old snickering, though that may be doing a disservice to the many mature, not to say experienced, 12 year-olds out there.  The Droning Voice was a late bloomer. ‘Nuff said.

Pleasant virginal dreams!

Here is a sample of Long’s New Language Exercises:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Tale of Bobby Bobolink

2020-03-28

(Note to Her Royal Highness – this is where the copy for the book itself will go)

In Arthur Scott Bailey’s world, all the animals and birds were anthropomorphized (sp.).

The illustrations in the books show such creatures adorned in waistcoats, top-hats, bonnets, and modest dresses.  Some even wear monocules.  All good, and completely snazzy.  (The Droning Voice  secretly wishes men would readopt such timeless fashion today, eschewing such fads as baggy pants, skinny jeans, and anything displaying butt crack.)

In spite of this, Mr. Bailey truly does an excellent job of describing the habits and habitats of each creature featured, along with accepted (for the time) written renditions of bird songs.  Today, of course, you can find recordings of bird songs from esteemed online sources such as ebird.com.  You can quickly click to their website, listen to a recording of a Red-winged Blackbird, then hasten back to The Droning Voice to complain that a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds nothing like what Mr. Bailey wrote.  The Droning Voice encourages you to write what YOU think a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds like, based on the recordings published by Cornell University.  Birders everywhere will rejoice. Also, The Droning Voice disputes the notion that crows cannot sing.  To another crow, the sounds rendered are beautiful, and quite sexy, even if to the unenlightened ear they sound like an exhausted cheerleader who has been chain-smoking unfiltered cigarettes.

These books were written before the passage of The Songbird Protection Act, and may have descriptions of birds being afraid of being killed for sport, or because of crop protection (in the case of farmers).  Today, the killing of any songbird is a crime punishable by fines and/or imprisonment.  The Droning Voice dearly hopes that the listener understands The Droning Voice does not endorse the killing of any creature for any reason.

Except mosquitoes.  She hates mosquitoes.

And remember, in the 1920s, “gay” meant cheerful and happy, and was not a label attached to any bird or animal to describe their sexual identity.  Calm down. Rest easy.  And allow The Droning Voice to lull you, or your child, to dreamland with tales of critters with stilted personalities.  Just like many people in your social circles. Z-z-z-z-z…

Here is a sample of The Tale of Bobby Bobolink:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Tuck Me In Tales

2020-03-27

In Arthur Scott Bailey’s world, all the animals and birds were anthropomorphized.

The illustrations in the books show such creatures adorned in waistcoats, top-hats, bonnets, and modest dresses.  Some even wear monocules.  All good, and completely snazzy.  (The Droning Voice  secretly wishes men would readopt such timeless fashion today, eschewing such fads as baggy pants, skinny jeans, and anything displaying butt crack.)

In spite of this, Mr. Bailey truly does an excellent job of describing the habits and habitats of each creature featured, along with accepted (for the time) written renditions of bird songs.  Today, of course, you can find recordings of bird songs from esteemed online sources such as ebird.com.  You can quickly click to their website, listen to a recording of a Red-winged Blackbird, then hasten back to The Droning Voice to complain that a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds nothing like what Mr. Bailey wrote.  The Droning Voice encourages you to write what YOU think a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds like, based on the recordings published by Cornell University.  Birders everywhere will rejoice. Also, The Droning Voice disputes the notion that crows cannot sing.  To another crow, the sounds rendered are beautiful, and quite sexy, even if to the unenlightened ear they sound like an exhausted cheerleader who has been chain-smoking unfiltered cigarettes.

These books were written before the passage of The Songbird Protection Act, and may have descriptions of birds being afraid of being killed for sport, or because of crop protection (in the case of farmers).  Today, the killing of any songbird is a crime punishable by fines and/or imprisonment.  The Droning Voice dearly hopes that the listener understands The Droning Voice does not endorse the killing of any creature for any reason.

Except mosquitoes.  She hates mosquitoes.

And remember, in the 1920s, “gay” meant cheerful and happy, and was not a label attached to any bird or animal to describe their sexual identity.  Calm down. Rest easy.  And allow The Droning Voice to lull you, or your child, to dreamland with tales of critters with stilted personalities.  Just like many people in your social circles. Z-z-z-z-z…

Without further fanfare, The Droning Voice gives you The Tuck Me In Tales:

  • The Tale of Jolly Robin
  • The Tale of Old Mr. Crow
  • The Tale of Solomon Owl
  • The Tale of Jasper Jay
  • The Tale of Rusty Wren
  • The Tale of Daddy Longlegs
  • The Tale of Kiddie Katydid
  • The Tale of Betsy Butterfly
  • The Tale of Buster Bumblebee
  • The Tale of Freddie Firefly
  • The Tale of Bobby Bobolink
  • The Tale of Chirpy Cricket
  • The Tale of Mrs. Ladybug
  • The Tale of Reddy Woodpecker
  • The Tale of Grandma Goose

Pleasant dreams!

 

Industrial Studies

2020-02-28

Back in the early 1900s the United States was a powerhouse of industry.  Just ask the author of this book, who apparently had some affiliation with the State Normal School, in Fitchberg, Mass.

Note this is Massachusetts, home of several Ivy League universities, the Kennedy family, AND the infamous Salem Witch Trials.  Just saying that this is a state with a serious identity crisis.

However, The Droning Voice remembers being forced to watch flickery films in elementary school on various topics, each film touting the importance of whatever it was we were being told to watch by whatever Education Czar was in charge at the time.  This book was written prior to any such educational films, so, hey, I’m certain that all the industries mentioned in this book were very, if not exceedingly, helpful in putting together this piece of propaganda textbook, for the oh-so eager-to-learn and impressionable students of the State Normal School in Fitchberg, Mass.

There is a LOT for modern people to take issue with in this book, practices which were common and THE BEST(!), which now cause certain people – The Droning Voice won’t say who but you know who you are – to swoon in outrage and despair.  However, if you are one of those people, you can take solace in knowing that those jobs have mostly been banned in the USA, and are now comfortably outsourced to other countries.  The USA then imports products made from those same countries so that we can remain virtuous but still have whatever latest gadget is a must-have on Amazon.  Not to worry, though.  The USA is still a leading exporter of porn, so we’ve got THAT going for us.

This book also has Topics for Study at the end of the book, and seems heavily reliant on maps and crayons.  So you may want to have those handy for when you wake up and feel an uncommon urge to find various rivers and then color them on a map.  The Droning Voice is fairly confident in her pronunciations of most of the countries and cities mentioned, but there were a few river names that she stumbled over.  Those living near said rivers are welcome to feel superior to The Droning Voice.  Hopefully right before you drift off to sleep.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is an example of Industrial Studies:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Flower Vase

2020-01-29

During the Victorian Era, this was an absolutely indispensable book when a young lady wanted an authoritative source on understanding a gentleman’s intentions based on the vegetation he bestowed upon her.  Nowadays, of course, there are social media outlets, whereby you can get interpretations of not only vegetation, but interpretations of looks, phone number requests, random mutterings, etc., and plenty of opinions, many from people you have never actually met, on whether or not the gentleman in question is good enough for you (“No”).

HOWEVER, there used to be an entire language built around flower bouquets, though a person was always at risk of sending mixed messages if they were not careful, and didn’t consult this book prior to combining ice-plant sprigs in with Gilly Flower (whatever THAT is) simply because one thought they looked nice together.  All fashionable young ladies kept a copy of this small book (The Droning Voice nearly went blind reading it) in her reticule, along with her fan, her smelling salts, her handkerchief, her kid gloves, her pepper spray, and her condom.  OK, it was a BIG reticule.

The Droning Voice was also somewhat started to discover that Lettuce used to be something sent as a message.  She actually thinks this is a custom which should be revived and applied to all things edible, which, or course, will require more books, or at least phone apps, explaining, for example, the symbolism of a banana (really, quite evident) and other fruits and vegetables.  It could even be applied to restaurants!  For example, if a gentleman were to take a young lady to a fast food establishment, it would mean he was cheap.  Really, The Droning Voice doesn’t think one needs an app to figure THAT out.

The Droning Voice hopes that one will spray a bit of lavender scent on their pillow prior to listening to this selection.  She hears it is supposed to help one sleep.

Pleasant dreams!

Here is a sample of The Flower Vase:

 

This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.