Half Hours in the Tiny World

The Droning Voice hardly knows where to start.  First of all, this book appears to have been written by an actual Englishman, living in England.  There are references to geographical locations, which The Droning Voice is certain every good English boy and girl are keenly aware of.  American children though, and The Droning Voice proudly hails from America’s heartland, are typically more interested in the geographic location of their cell-phone, from where they can send selfies to their followers on whatever social media is the current favorite.

All that to say The Droning Voice is very sorry she didn’t attempt an English accent, which would make her stumbling over certain Latin words sound more erudite, and perhaps a bit more snooty, though she guesses that the very prose of this book will have most light-weight insomniacs snoring after the first few minutes, in spite of her lack of a charming accent.  Here is a short example:

“None of the sweetest, we fear, if it smacks of the tone and temper wherewith it is proclaimed. It may sometimes be found to be but lost labour that we haste to rise up early, so late take rest, if our worldly store lack the mellow sweetness of an abundance culled from earthly flowers, under the sunshine of a heavenly blessing, among the unselfish fellowships and countless charities of life, which are as the pleasant hum of bees in the sultry air of a summer’s day of toil.”

The Droning Voice is, of course, certain that the reader of this text has already ascertained that the above paragraph is about bees.  If the reader is still awake.

This is a book primarily about insects, though the author also expounds on coral, beavers, and by-God-using-your-eyes.  He also quotes from a book he read when he was young.  It clearly made quite an impression on him, though it apparently didn’t have fine and pretty pictures like the books children in the late 1800’s enjoyed.  Oh, no. Not that he was bitter.The Droning Voice notes that this book was written for children in the late 1800s, so you might want to have a dictionary nearby for some of the longer words, if you are paying any attention whatsoever. Good luck figuring out how some words are spelled.

Sleep well!

Here is a sample of Half Hours in the Tiny World:


This is a short example of The Droning Voice.  Subscribers can access the full-length version and really put themselves to sleep.  Here is how to subscribe.

The Tuck Me In Tales

In Arthur Scott Bailey’s world, all the animals and birds were anthropomorphized.

The illustrations in the books show such creatures adorned in waistcoats, top-hats, bonnets, and modest dresses.  Some even wear monocules.  All good, and completely snazzy.  (The Droning Voice  secretly wishes men would readopt such timeless fashion today, eschewing such fads as baggy pants, skinny jeans, and anything displaying butt crack.)

In spite of this, Mr. Bailey truly does an excellent job of describing the habits and habitats of each creature featured, along with accepted (for the time) written renditions of bird songs.  Today, of course, you can find recordings of bird songs from esteemed online sources such as ebird.com.  You can quickly click to their website, listen to a recording of a Red-winged Blackbird, then hasten back to The Droning Voice to complain that a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds nothing like what Mr. Bailey wrote.  The Droning Voice encourages you to write what YOU think a Red-Winged Blackbird sounds like, based on the recordings published by Cornell University.  Birders everywhere will rejoice. Also, The Droning Voice disputes the notion that crows cannot sing.  To another crow, the sounds rendered are beautiful, and quite sexy, even if to the unenlightened ear they sound like an exhausted cheerleader who has been chain-smoking unfiltered cigarettes.

These books were written before the passage of The Songbird Protection Act, and may have descriptions of birds being afraid of being killed for sport, or because of crop protection (in the case of farmers).  Today, the killing of any songbird is a crime punishable by fines and/or imprisonment.  The Droning Voice dearly hopes that the listener understands The Droning Voice does not endorse the killing of any creature for any reason.

Except mosquitoes.  She hates mosquitoes.

And remember, in the 1920s, “gay” meant cheerful and happy, and was not a label attached to any bird or animal to describe their sexual identity.  Calm down. Rest easy.  And allow The Droning Voice to lull you, or your child, to dreamland with tales of critters with stilted personalities.  Just like many people in your social circles. Z-z-z-z-z…

Without further fanfare, The Droning Voice gives you The Tuck Me In Tales:

  • The Tale of Jolly Robin
  • The Tale of Old Mr. Crow
  • The Tale of Solomon Owl
  • The Tale of Jasper Jay
  • The Tale of Rusty Wren
  • The Tale of Daddy Longlegs
  • The Tale of Kiddie Katydid
  • The Tale of Betsy Butterfly
  • The Tale of Buster Bumblebee
  • The Tale of Freddie Firefly
  • The Tale of Bobby Bobolink
  • The Tale of Chirpy Cricket
  • The Tale of Mrs. Ladybug
  • The Tale of Reddy Woodpecker
  • The Tale of Grandma Goose

Pleasant dreams!